Finally! An Affordable Vancouver Housing Solution

The Far Side

Jacob Duarte Spiel reports in the Beaverton that intrepid Vancouverites have discovered affordable Vancouver housing.

Crawl Houses

According to Spiel –
The Davidsons, a family of five, have easily discovered many reasonably priced crawl spaces, unoccupied walls, and under-porch real estate available in Vancouver, contradicting recent dire warnings about the city’s inflated housing market. We weren’t looking for anything fancy, but then again I never thought a luxury crawl space would be in our budget,” said Carl Davidson, excitedly looking at an online listing. “These places are unbelievable. Look! Most of these nooks and crannies barely have any decomposing animal carcasses. Try getting that deal in Toronto! “Goodness Carl, this one is 50ft by 0.75ft. Why, that’s nearly 38 square feet!” said Laura Davidson. “It even comes with a leaky pipe! You know how little Kevin absolutely adores moisture.” Landry Crewson, the Davidson’s realtor, believes that crawl-houses are catching on in Vancouver because many families are excited to live in such wonderfully quiet neighbourhoods. “Often these crawl spaces are located just beneath or on top of completely empty Vancouver homes recently purchased by Chinese businessmen who never have any intention of using them. Usually the entire community is totally deserted,” explained Crewson. “There isn’t a safer place to live anywhere in Canada. Well, if you don’t count the mold.” Experts agree that Vancouver crawl spaces are at their cheapest in years, creating a buyer’s market of which many families are taking advantage. For their part, the Davidsons are excited by the seemingly endless prospects but are trying to remain realistic. “Last year we saw this gorgeous root cellar but within weeks dozens of buyers had popped up. Suddenly we were on the losing side of a bidding war,” said Laura. “Such a shame. It’s not often you find a place where all the copper wiring is insulated.”

A Point of View

The Beaverton is a primarily online Canadian news satire publication.

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*Disclaimer: Statistics Courtesy REBGV. While believed to be accurate they are not guaranteed.
**Numbers provided may vary as they are dynamically posted by the REBGV.

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